Phobic

Ever had one of those dreams that felt so real you had to wake up to realize it wasn’t actually happening?  A few nights ago...in the middle of my REM...I’m driving the car with my husband in the passenger’s seat.  First problem, I’m the driver.  If at all possible, he is my designated driver forever and always.  It’s as if he were born with this internal GPS.  My blue-eyed boy is always fully confidant of exactly where he’s going even if he doesn’t have a clue. 

And so without any reason or explanation, I’m driving.  We are heading up a bridge straight into zero gravity.  “Dear Jesus...”I’m thinking. In this dream, I’m actually praying...really, really praying.  I’m frozen with fear. I cannot look to my right or my left, because in a second we could drop straight to certain doom.  But I keep driving and hoping and praying and driving and hoping and praying that we will outlive this scary moment and somehow make it over this bridge of terror.  

Problem number two, in case you haven’t realized I’m frantically and desperately scared of heights.  Yeah, this is bad, I mean very, very bad.  If we were going to drive a bridge to the heavens, at least my guy could have taken the lead on this one.  Because he actually would have probably considered this an adventure.  Which is exactly how he handles just about everything in life. While I sit back and analyze and freak...well, unless I’m racing or illustrating or competing. And I’m just hoping I survive for the next few seconds.  Yeah, and in case you’re wondering, I’m still frozen.

I have these same obsessive dreams...used to be that I hadn’t turned in my Math homework...how many 33 year-olds have frantic dreams about their Algebra homework?  I can’t help but thinking something is seriously wrong with me. 

Finally, there’s this other nightmare where I drive straight into the ocean.  Phobia #3: drowning in a large body of water stuck in my car. So I wonder what my subconscious is trying to tell me and I have to ask if there are any other crazy people out there brave enough to admit their phobias...even the ones that show themselves in our sleeping hours?

And I have to sit back and think these are the things that I have no control over.  These are the elephants in my life that I cannot outrun or outsmart or cover up with any amount of creative or artistic design.  This is where it simply can’t be up to this runner girl and I let God take charge. So I begin to search his Word and see what it speaks to me...

”Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  John 14:27

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.”  Philippians 4:6

“See, God has come to save me.  I will trust in him and not be afraid.  The Lord God is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.” Isaiah 12:2

And I want these to be my mantras and my waking thoughts, so that even in my dreams...even when life is scary...even when it’s out of my control...my fears are quiet and my God is strong.

The Chase

Anybody remember that one guy that you spent months crushing on...trying to figure out his classes...his lunch...friends...locker...just for a glimpse.  I wasn’t a creeper...promise...but I chased a few hot guys.  There was one.  My forever first love.  From the moment I laid my middle school eyes on that boy...pink polo, white pants, striking dark crazy hair, blue eyes...it was all stars and hearts...he was in the 6th grade and a foot shorter than me. Back then, the chase was all excitement and thrill and adventure and a dream.  But I guess the chase never really left me.

And so it should...remain...the chase... the idea of love or romance or success or happiness or that one runner that you just can’t quite catch...no matter how much abs or grueling sweat or heavy breathing you put behind it. The chase is the perfecting of oneself or the thought of something better or more awesome than you, even on your best day.

Each Saturday as I run along the gorgeous Atlantic coastline, I obsess over dozens of swimmers with their perfectly sculpted physiques, training for their next Tri...and hundreds of cyclists exerting every bit of strength to climb bridge after bridge in their miled trail.  And I wish it was me.  I tell this runner girl that soon I’m going to be lapping it up out there...I mean after a few swim lessons or maybe get one of those bikes with the ridiculously small tires and skintight cycling jersey.  I laugh deep inside at this. And somehow the thought of chasing this starry-eyed athlete’s dream, makes me better, stronger, more focused.

But for now, I’m going to keep chasing the thought of being the best runner girl out there.

Last Saturday, I ran Key West.  One of 600 runners it was the smallest half of my career by far.  I found the toned girl with the 2.0 hour marker and figured as long as she was chasing me, we were good.  Then I noticed the girl who was running the entire race without shoes and I was astonished and completely taken with those uncovered and bare, black soles.  Yes, she would be my high and lofty goal.  So I chased the girl in the yellow sports bra with the small pony tail.  The tall, skinny guy in the blue shirt, breathing hard, short breaths. The girl who was killing it out there, in the glowing pink tank.  The beast of a man with the huge cross tattoo imprinted on his back. And finally that shoeless girl.  One by one as I passed each...I celebrated a sort of success.  Each chase was making me better...more disciplined...confidant...a champion.

Just a half mile out from the finish, Miss 2.0 suddenly sprinted past me, but I just kept on chasing the girl without shoes.  

I saw my kids...my guy...running through the cheer zone...full of claps and happy yells and total adrenaline...I swept through the finish at 1:59.

It’s always worth the challenge...the hard work...the sweat...the finish.  Never stop wanting, never stop running, and no matter who’s in front of you, never, ever stop chasing.

Check Out This App!

I’ve found myself over the past month...headphones in ear...latenight

...listening intently and absolutely taken with an entirely new approach to a familiar and age-old book.  Who would have figured a couple of college students could change the way we understand the Word of God? 

     It began with a few college guys in a dorm room one evening about 2 years ago.  Founder and CEO of the Press Bible, Maison Tiradoegas had recently come across an iOS app actually created by Al Gore.  The app was an interactive book that addressed global concerns via video, photography, and interactive info-graphics.  Simultaneously, he had  discovered a website called www.Lynda.com, containing video tutorials for design and technology, which made learning advanced subjects simple and manageable.  As he thumbed through his John McArthur Bible commentary, an idea sparked, “Wouldn’t this be much more appealing as a video of McArthur sharing his perpective?” rather than just words on a page.  Why not an app unlike anything the world has ever seen?

The original project sort of fell apart.  Lack of funds and other challenges, only caused Tiradoegas to delve deeper into his vision.  He was offered his dream job straight out of college but as he focused on the Press Bible, he knew it had to be his only option.  He postponed his wedding and maneuvered through unforeseen challenges.  In fact the project was recreated three times. Consequently, co-founder, Landon Kozeny was playing professional baseball in Santa Fe and left it all to tackle this project. But they both realized this was the pursuit of something extraordinary...something that had the potential to change lives forever.

Observing his kid brother’s navigation and love for the iPad, Tiradoegas and Kozeny, strategically wrote the app for teenagers and adults.  With the nextGen in mind, the content was made signature...original music...unique photography, modern design, and graphics...a partnership with Tyndale publishing for use of the New Living Translation...live video interviews with 14 professors and pastors...and audio narration.

The team’s goal was never to replace anything, but to bring each God-inspired book to life.  The Press Bible allows reader’s access to a free, engaging Bible experience.  Consumers can expect a fresh, compelling way to encounter God’s Word.  This app is an easy beginning place for unbelievers and and a way of furthering how mature believers memorize and interact with Scripture.  Tiradoegas sincerely states, “I love that people will be able to imagine (history) and these stories in (current) time.” 

Tiradoegas is quick to explain that the team has been stunned by the initial success of this project.  Just 9 days following it’s launch on June 21, 2013, the Press Bible had over 2500 downloads and close to 3000 video plays.  The biggest reward: Knowing that this little download might actually move someone to read and react to God’s word.

In 2013, the Barna Group stated, “Nearly half (46%) of adults believe the Bible doesn’t have much impact on American youth.”  Realizing that the Bible isn’t going anywhere, Tiradoegas, Kozeny, and the Other Half (their project team) believe that disrupting this quote, revolutionizing the way this younger generation views the Bible is only a press away.  They maintain that Bible education is the most important thing this generation needs and they plan to do everything in their power to take their take on the Gospel to the world. 

The Press Bible is currently available from the iTunes App Store and for all iOS devices.https://twitter.com/pressbible

Bicycles, Birthdays, and Botox

Summer was legendary.  If our life had a caption, it would scream, “BICYCLE-RIDING UNDERCOVER SUPERHEROES SAVE THE WORLD.”  

Summer delivered us 3 unforgettable lessons...

June taught my tiny people that learning to ride a bicycle is God’s gift to childhood.

In July they were reminded that the world is screaming for somebody to save them...and Batboy and Batgirl were there...ready to conquer the bad guys, discover adventure, and make sure it was all about pure, clean fun.

August was meant for swim lessons, pool parties, the beach...and occasional spy missions.

After 15 years of teaching and another year closer to 40...which I might add was one of the most amazing birthday’s ever thanks to beautiful people that I love...I decided it was time to take a risk myself.  I stopped fighting with what I thought everyone thought I should be doing and what was really in my heart.  I finally listened to that little voice that was attempting to get my attention for the past 5 years and I decided to trust that thing inside me.

I quit my day job.  I’ll always be a teacher...but mostly to those two worldchangers that I kiss goodbye every morning as they make their way into school...for the first time ever, without me.

And I’m giving myself to my passion...my dream...and choosing to live life without regret.  And if you find yourself understanding exactly what I mean, I can tell you I have never been happier.

And well...Botox...hmmmm?  I may have had a conversation with a certain plastic surgeon about removing a skin spot and my curiosity may have inched it’s crazy self into our dialogue.  Uhmmm...just so you know...I am never, ever willingly injecting toxins into my skin and I’m not sure exactly why anyone would...especially at that price.  For now...nightly cleansing, exfoliating, and moisturizing are my BFF’s and the Omega-3’s and Flaxseed oil are my trusty sidekicks.

And yeah...even though the leaves aren’t changing in Miami...it’s Fall.  So here’s to the hope of apple cider, hay rides, and bonfires...yup...you can take the girl outta Kansas but you can’t take the Kansas out of this girl.

Today Was A Fairytale

I wish I could say it has all been sunshine and daisies.  That would be sort of fantastic.  But in the real world...two imperfect, stubborn people met once upon a time on a blind date.  She was a Kansas girl and he was all city.  But as destiny would run it's course, they were hand-picked by God in a way that only He understood.  Of course my guy is the best choice I’ve ever made but sometimes it it feels like the hardest thing worth fighting for...this...us...a pursuit of the ideal marriage. So 10 years, two kids, and one spotted pup later, here we are living a dream job in the best city, growing a couple of world changers, and connecting with people from all walks of life who happen to be searching for answers and hope. 

      So after a decade, two of my favorite girls and I decided there had to be a something special...an occasion that none of us could ever forget..and it had to be hush hush from my guy until exactly the right moment.  And we did it...we managed to create a fairytale. 
     The stunned look on my guy’s face spoke a million emotions. At a gorgeous February sunset, we stood husband and wife surrounded by a sand and rose petal heart our friends had built...Dania beach...ocean’s edge... an intimate party of our closest family and friends...looking intently into those aqua eyes that made falling in love an easy choice.  
     Our fairytale included a new and improved set of vows, ring exchange, a grecian-goddess-styled wedding dress, and a second honeymoon. He hadn’t expected any of this, but in that moment when I met him at the altar again...it was all perfection.  Nothing and nobody could doubt that what we had is the stuff storybooks are made of. 
     Communion...letters expressing our deepest heartfelt thoughts (yes, it was Valentine’s weekend and he had actually agreed to this willingly)...mixing of unity sand with our two precious minis...our little man holding a starfish with the rings...our tiny princess dropping petals along the way...a remembering of what it was like to be young and full of love...an embracing of everything we had built over the last decade and an expectancy of the possibilities awaiting us...a celebration of life at it’s best...with all of those who believed in us.  
     The sunset on camera, sealing the evening with the kind of kiss that only married people can share, dancing over karaoke at the local crab shack...all fireworks and floating lanterns.  Marriage is difficult. Marriage is work. But it is the magical nights, the embrace of a best friend, and the happily ever afters that make the most enchanted fairytales.  

(Photo credit-Cami Prieto.)